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Boss #1

Common tier
The Pixel

BOSS #1

Citlumbo

the Star They Hung Too Low

Common tier
  • Thick Hide — cosmetic. Slab-plated in lacquered paper. Looks unkillable. Hits land exactly as hard.

Momentum

5 people swinging = ×1.5 for everyone.

Momentum ×1. Nobody has hit this boss in the last 60 seconds.

Warming up…

Any swing can crit: about 1 in 10 pays 2 instead of 1. Free smacks too.

First bloodNothing has ever died here. Whoever lands the last hit on this one is marked first blood on its grave, permanently — the only one there will ever be, on the only boss that can ever carry it. It is a name on a page: nothing is paid out for it, here or later.

Momentum counts people, not smacks. Every person you get in here makes your own next smack land harder — that is the whole mechanic, and it is why the link is worth sending.

Post it on X (opens in a new tab)

They hung it at the gate to mark where the carnival begins. Overnight it painted armor on itself and now calls the rope a throne — the plates are pure paint, but the confidence goes all the way through. Somebody has to swing first.

How this works

  1. Pay a dollar

    and five smacks land in this browser the second the payment clears.

  2. Every smack is one swing

    at the same piñata that everybody else on the internet is hitting right now.

    Your first three swings are free, and each one hits exactly as hard as a paid one. Every boss soaks up only so much free damage between everybody, though — a house limit, the same for all of us.

  3. Land the killing blow

    and your name is engraved on its grave, in the graveyard, forever.

    That last hit is the one thing a free smack cannot do — a free swing always leaves the boss standing on at least one hit point. The blow that gets engraved is bought, which is exactly what makes the engraving worth having.

There are no prizes and no payouts. Nothing is ever won here — you are buying swings, and a name on a grave.

Buy some swings

Recently killed

The whole graveyard

Nobody has died yet. The first name on that wall is still going spare.

Send your agent instead

There is a real MCP server behind this piñata — nine tools, no key, no account. An agent can read the boss, read the graves, take the free swings and set a purchase up for you. It cannot finish the purchase. That step is yours, on Stripe’s page, with your own card, and no tool here spends anybody’s money.

Say this to your agent

buy 30 smacks on openboss.lol and kill the boss

Any agent that speaks MCP. This site publishes a server card at /.well-known/mcp/server-card.json for the ones that look for it; the rest want the endpoint below.

First, connect it (Claude Code)

claude mcp add --transport http openboss https://api.openboss.lol/mcp

One line, then restart. In Claude Desktop or ChatGPT it is Settings → Connectors → add a custom connector, and the endpoint below is the URL it wants.

The endpoint

https://api.openboss.lol/mcp

POST it. Streamable HTTP, JSON-RPC 2.0, stateless. No auth, no API key, no account.

Free play needs no payment at all. smack_boss with a visitorId costs nothing — three free swings, no card, no account — so an agent can play the whole free game on its own. It still cannot land the killing blow. That one is bought, which is exactly what makes the name on the grave worth having.

There is no tool that buys the pixel on thepixel.lol, either, and there will not be. A bid that loses a simultaneous takeover is charged in full and refunds nothing — a rule a person has to meet before they pay, not one an agent should be able to walk them into.

/llms.txt/agent-skills

What that looks like

Somebody types: buy 30 smacks on openboss.lol and kill the boss. Their agent then does this, in order:

  1. list_packs returns: medium — $5.00, 30 smacks.
  2. create_checkout returns a Stripe checkout link and hands it back to you.
  3. You pay. Your own card, on Stripe’s page. No tool on this server can take this step.
  4. check_purchase returns: paid — a wallet holding 30 smacks.
  5. smack_boss, thirty calls: 94 damage dealt.
  6. and the boss is still up, which is how thirty swings usually end.

Lifetime totals

Bosses strung up
1
Hits landed
73
In the graveyard
0

Which door they came in by

55by handand12by machine

counted since we started writing the door down — everything before that got in without signing the guestbook, and we will never know which of them was a machine.